Wednesday, May 12, 2010

My Headspace At Present

Yes, there has been a dearth of posts here lately ... and I am afraid I cannot put it down only to the slightly harried work schedule lately.  Part of it is, frankly, that I am at sixes and sevens about the Delfig thing, and it makes me wonder about the effort it takes to put this campaign together.

It is less than easy to write and write out the various descriptions, and build them towards things that can be played on-line.  For the most part I enjoy myself - but it can be work, like any DM who has found himself at the beginning of a night's play who is without the 'spark' needed to make it a good one.  I start with some mornings without a lot of creativity, and I start some weeks thinking that I should chuck it.

On the other hand, it has been enormously fun, and creative, and I have even managed to teach myself some things about campaign design.

But when I find myself having contributed to the creation of something which then clearly has no respect for this campaign or for the creation itself, I cannot help but be stunned.  And of late, these last few days, the motivation has not been there.

I do not ask for advice, but I would like to know what the existing players think about the doings around here, about Delfig's suicide, about their own 'will to play' and how they have been affected by it.  It would help to get me grounded and into a head space where I could run again.


Andrej said...

As a DM in two off-line campaigns I understand burn-out, lacking spark and drive and the sense that one's efforts are underappreciated. But let's face it:

1) They're not. The campaign is great, its just at a low point that it will rebound from when the collective spark is there for us

2) You're here as DM (and I'm at my bi-monthly games as DM) for yourself as much as anything else. A dead PC doesnt really change that, does it?

I can't speak for Michael obvioulsy, but I can hope that Delfig's eventual demise wasn't a lack of respect for the game and our time spent together, but a satisfactory resolution to how he chose to play the game. Those weren't the choices I would have made and on some level I do feel a littled robbed as well... I enjoyed Delfig and the group dynamic we had going. But characters die and he'll hopefully be rolling up a new one and we'll be setting off together soon.

I know you didn't ask for advice, but I'm going to give some anyway. Please just take some time off and away from the campaign and we'll pick it up again when you're ready. There's still lots more for us to do here and no reason to quit for good when a break might change your perspective on things.

Alexis said...

The feeling of being robbed is front and centre at the moment; and I am caught between my willingness to let characters do what they want and the feeling of being smacked in the face. I tell you honestly that my first response to any idea of his 'rolling up a new one' is met immediately with the question, "what would be the point?"

For those who are still here, I feel a responsibility. I haven't decided specifically to take some time off, but I do feel I may approach the daily running rather casually for awhile. I invite strongly for the players to get on my case about this - I feel it would be in your right to do so.

James C. said...

For what its worth, I'd prefer you not taking things casually. The problem with casually is we end up sort of going through the motions and then forget why we were playing to begin with. Consider this me getting on your case: Shit or get off the pot. Either we participate toegther with the same verve and frequency as before or we take a break until such a thing can happen. I'd prefer no half-measures. You're the guy doing the heavy creative lifitng, so you need to say when you're ready to do it and put things on holf until then.

Alexis said...

Thank you. I needed that. I will take it under advisement.

Nasira said...

"While there's life, there's hope" - The Doctor

I find the suicide distasteful as well. As a writer, I feel that suicide is meant for minor characters or for short stories, not for important characters in long stories. The PCs are supposed to be the major characters in RPGs.

This is an RPG and seldom will you find rules for suicide. There are good reasons for that. Even in Call of Cthulhu, where things can often be utterly hopeless, seldom will there ever be a suicide. If one of my players did that, on purpose, I promise you that the horror would not stop at death... Would a major villain commit suicide if things got to righteous?